HOUSTON:

SOMETHING WRONG?

THINGS LOOKING GRIM?

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When the shit hits the fan BE PREPARED!

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NEVER HAVE TO STAND THERE
LOOKING STUPID!

NEVER TAKE THE BLAME!

With EXCUSEWARE 1.OWE you'll be ready!!!

The ultra reliable WIN'CUSE '00
provides you with an excuse for EVERYTHING!

COMING SOON: Our PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY "PLUG-IN"...

...If it doesn't work — it still provides an excuse —
for why it can't come up with excuses!!!

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DON'T PANIC!!!!

While IT'S EXPENSIVE to purchase — once you have this program up and running you will quickly come up with excuses to NOT pay for it!

Great for wierd problems!!! EXCUSEWARE 1.OWE will solve ALL YOUR SOFTWARE PROBLEMS INSTANTLY!

Politicians and Government Departments will find THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of uses for this product!

UNEMPLOYMENT! DEFICITS! FALLING STANDARD OF LIVING! ANGRY MOBS! INVESTIGATIONS! SEX SCANDALS! POOR JUDGEMENT!

THESE will ALL be "NO BRAINERS" with EXCUSEWARE 1.OWE

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ESSENTIAL FOR BUSINESS OF ALL SIZES—

• EXPLAIN TO YOUR EMPLOYEES WHY YOU'VE DESTROYED THEIR LIVES;

• EXPLAIN OBSCENE PROFIT LEVELS OR FALLING STOCK VALUE;

• DECLINING CORPORATE TAX RATES;

• WAGE CUTS;

• SWEETHEART "INSIDER" DEALS;

• TOXIC POLUTION AND ENVIRONMENTAL VIOLATIONS;

• FOREIGN KICK-BACKS AND BRIBES;

• STOCK MARKET MANIPULATION;

• MONEY LAUNDERING SCHEMES;

• UNION BASHING AND INTIMIDATION;

• AND MUCH MUCH MORE!!!!

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Never do anything
you're supposed to do again!

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Do you have hundreds of silly
little chores you've been avoiding?
Don't worry!

Kids out of control? NO PROBLEM!

Is the old lady still upset because you lost your licence — and now you're out of work?

It's a PIECE OF CAKE!

Is your guy still pissed 'cause he found you NAKED IN BED with the WEEDMAN© and your aerobics instructor...
TRUST EXCUSEWARE 1.OWE

THE FACT IS, THERE'S NOTHING IT CAN'T DO!!!!

ALL NEW!!! SPECIAL! 'WIN'CUSE MILITARY! ESPECIALLY SUITED TO THE NEEDS OF Yawn-2-K HYPERS DOOMSDAY NUTS AND UNITED NATIONS PEACEKEEPERS!

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HOW DOES IT WORK? Very Good Question!!! EXCUSEWARE© uses the principles identified by the Crouch-Echlin effect (also know as Time Dilation) together with Stochastic Singularities — the primaries also found to exist within the recently identified Jobesian Fields, to solve ANY problem!!! The actual methods used are of course proprietary!

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PLEASE SUPPLY...

NAME or ALIAS:

STREET:

CITY:   STATE/PROVINCE:

POSTAL/ZIP CODE:   COUNTRY:

VISA: EXP:

MASTERCARD: EXP:

BANK ACCOUNT#: PIN#:

BANK TRANSID#:

Don't worry about the AMOUNT — I'll just charge what's FAIR.

Concerned about sending private financial information on the Internet?

Talk to my CUSTOMER SERVICE Agent!

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EXECUSEWHERE Automated EXCUS-o-MATIC SCENARIO:

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Still not convinced????OR...fill in return EMAIL address HERE:

And describe your "PROBLEM" below

Press the button:

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I'm sorry I can't connect you directly to the DynOVadeR "EXCUSE ENGINE"

— it's just so POWERFUL it keeps producing EXCUSES not to connect with my ODBC drivers!