MILLINNIUM PIE

Y2K

 

Millennium Pie
(with apologies to Don McLean)

 

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember how
Computers used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make a spreadsheet balance,
And maybe I'd be happy for a while.

But January made me shiver,
it chilled me deep down to my liver,
Bad news I'd collected...
I couldn't get connected!

I can't remember back that day
When I first heard of Y2K
But something touched me anyway,
The day computers died.

Bye, bye BIOS - Hard Drive
Stuck a CD in my PC - but the pop-up said "BYE"!
And the cursor froze at 11:59
Saying
ILLEGAL PROGRAM DIVIDE ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...

Can you overwrite the stack in C?
And get all your money free
If the bank machine tells you so...
Do you believe in Compaq's goals
Can software your mortal soul
And can you teach me to type real s-l-o-w?

Well we all thought that you were reliant
'Cause your memos said you were compliant
Contingencies were all defiant!
Where your help desk sits - all is silent
Since your chips were built by some moronic
The day the PC died!

I was a lonely new-age hacking fool
With a pink suntan and modem pool
I knew that motherboard was not the tool
The day computers died...

...I started singin'

...Bye, bye BIOS - Hard Drive
Stuck a CD in my PC - but the pop-up said "BYE"!
And the cursor froze at 11:59...
saying
ILLEGAL PROGRAM DIVIDE ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...

Now these 30 years we've ignored the threat
And we haven't solved the problem yet
But that's not how it used to be.
When the Luddites read cards of beige and green
Under lights they fill with kerosene
And assembled code called EDP

In the Window Bill was looking scared
Across the land the headlines blared
'Net stocks - they dropped like stones
To the Global traders moans

While Apple tried a colour scheme
The engineers returned to steam
And we had purges of their dreams
The day the computers died
So they were singin'

...Bye, bye BIOS - Hard Drive
Stuck a CD in my PC - but the pop-up said "BYE"!
And the cursor froze at 11:59...
Saying
ILLEGAL PROGRAM DIVIDE ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...

Intel inside in an iron smelter
The food leftover from my fallout shelter
Twinkies old and aging fast
I'd rather eat - not freeze my ass!
Q and A tried for a system crash
With the tester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the timeshare net was running Doom
While mainframes cooled in the computer room
We all tried to log in at noon
Oh, but no session would resume

'Cause Cobol tried to expand the field,
And Holerith refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed,
The day computers died?

We started singing...

 

...Bye, bye network ID
Ran my PC on pure DC but the voltage went dry
And good ol' boys were reading shrink wrap and DOS
Saying look all our lives have been lost!
Saying look all our lives have been lost!

There we were all in a state
Generators - would not generate
With no time to see
From our frozen clock
So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick
Cursor got stuck as the hourglass pic
'Cause time is the Developer's only friend.

As I watched my 17 inch tube
My mouth hung open like a slack-jawed boob
No flat screen born in hell
Could run without that shell

And as the cooling fan hum faded into the night
To call the sacrificial right
I saw Babbage laughing with delight
the day the computers died.

I met a girl with mobile phone
And I asked her for a dial tone
But she just smiled and turned away

I went down to the software store
Where I'd computed years before
But the man there said the games wouldn't play
And in the streets the children dreamed
The lovers cried and the poets screamed
their interface was broken
The chat-line all was spoken

And the three things I connect to most
Website, LAN and Network host
Were fried and cold like burnt toast
The day computers died

And they were saying

...Bye, bye next digit of Pi
Stuck a CD in my PC - but the pop-up said "BYE"!
And the cursor froze at 11:59...
Saying...
ILLEGAL PROGRAM DIVIDE
ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
ρ¦‡†€¦žžΖΠΆΆžž
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...
Insert DISK ¦‡†€¦ž
PRESS OVERRIDE...

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PLAN "B"

RUNNING & SCREAMING IN EVERY DIRECTION

One more "Y2K" project... And there until the Year 2000!

Fifty Ways to Lose Your Data
Paul Simon

-NOT!!!

The problem's all inside your code she said to me;
Recursion is easy if you take it logically.
I'm here to help you if you're struggling in C,
There must be fifty ways to lose your data.

She said it's really not my habit to #include,
And I hope my files won't be lost or misconstrued;
But I'll recompile at the risk of getting screwed,
There must be fifty ways to lose your data.

Just blow up the stack Jack,
Make a bad call Paul,
Just hit the wrong key Lee,
And set your pointers free.
Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
You just listen to me.

She said it grieves me to see you compile again.
I wish there were some hardware that wasn't such a pain.
I said I appreciate all that and could you just explain,
About the fifty ways.

She said why don't we both just work on it tonight,
And I'm sure in the morning it'll be working right.
Then she signed off and I realized she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways to lose your data.

Just lose the address Les,
Clear the wrong Int Clint,
Traverse the wrong tree Lee,
And set your list free.
Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
Just program in C...

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