Oxymoron Collection
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I have decided to start a collection of special one-word oxymorons. (I think that is another oxymoron, isn't it?) One-word oxymorons are those where the contradiction is related to the use of the word in a particular context. For example:
Iron (as used to describe a type of golf club - not made of iron but of stainless steel or other exotic alloy)
Bruce F. Kinsey submitted the following two great examples:
Shipment (as in across country)
Cargo (as in across oceans)
from F. Bell:
driveway (as in a place to park a car)
parkway (as in a place to drive a car) it is also not necessarily through a park
Spendthrift (submitted by Trip) Anyone know what this is supposed to mean?
Normal Oxymorons
Scientific Poll (sumitted by Joe Marshall)
some classic golf examples:
metal woods
routine par
soft spikes! (my local club won't even let you on the course unless you are wearing these - whatever they are)
The classics (ho hum)
jumbo shrimp
military intelligence
fascinating politics
interesting Canadian election
old news
married life
By the way, there have been various scientific studies proving that people who are married live longer than those who are not. These same studies also found that it is NOT true that these people live forever though, it just seems that way to those involved.
some of my favorites
sport utility vehicle
reliable British sports cars
first class mail
New Tradition
Action Committee
Chicken Fingers
For the Lotus Lover
Lotus quality
Esprit Heater
Wise Lotus Buyer
Knowlegeable Esprit Owner
Perfect Lotus Car
Practical Lotus
Four Cylinder Supercar
Esprit Winter Radials
Federal Elise - From Richard Sandwell - i.e. the long awaited Lotus Elise built to US Federal standards but never actually produced which means North Americans cannot use them on the road.
Add Lightness - the motto of the Lotus mailing list
One member of the Lotus mailing list (I'm afraid I forget who) used to claim he would give his right arm to be ambidextrous.
Oxymorons From Ed Luce (Ed has a "thing" about sports I think)
Important Ball Game
Important F1 Car Race
Athletic Scholarship (Ed says that one of the graduates of an athletic scholarship was overheard saying to his team "I want you guys to line up alphabetically by height.")
Sport Suspenders!!!
Inert Fluorochlorocarbon
Saudi Fashion (according to Ed they even have fashion shows!)
relaxing family vacation
the Internationals
British cuisine
French humility
American Culture
American Beer (AKA wet air)
famous Canadians
the Progressive Conservative Party of Canada
Italian government
Luxembourg customer service
Canadian History
Los Angeles Winter
Australians like to refer to their country as "an island continent". I guess they know what they mean.
There is a nearly infinite number of oxymorons available when describing ethnicity. For example, African-American, Asian-American, Italian-Canadian, etc. (I often wonder if there are any American-Africans?)
Classic oxymoronic quotes
"If I'd known I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself" Eubie Blake at 100
"You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth." Erma Cohen
"No one goes there anymore, its too crowded." Yogi Berra - speaking of a restaurant
"If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave." Samuel Goldwyn & others
"All generalizations are bad." R. H. Grenier
"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small." -- Woody Allen
"Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will have me as a member." Groucho Marx
"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." W. C Fields
"I can distinctly remember forgetting that." Clara Barton
"I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words." Josh Billings
"We must believe in free will. We have no choice." -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
"Why, that's the most unheard-of thing I've ever heard of." Joseph McCarthy
"Excuse me for not answering your letter sooner, but I've been so busy not answering letters that I couldn't get around to not answering yours in time." Groucho Marx
best oxymoronic song title
"If You Leave Me Can I Come Too?" Mental as Anything
1. Act naturally
2. Found missing
3. Resident alien
4. Advanced BASIC
5. Genuine imitation
6. Safe sex
7. Airline food
8. Good grief
9. Same difference
10. Almost exactly
11. Government organization
12. Sanitary landfill
13. Alone together
14. Legally drunk
15. Silent scream
16. British fashion
16a. British food
17. Living dead
18. Small crowd
19. Business ethics
20. Microsoft Works
21. Soft rock
22. Butt head
23. Military intelligence
24. Software documentation
25. California culture
26. New classic
27. Sweet sorrow
28. Childproof
29. "Now, then . . ."
30. Synthetic natural gas
31. Christian Scientists
32. Passive aggression
33. Taped live
34. Clearly misunderstood
35. Peace force
36. Temporary tax increase
37. Computer jock
38. Plastic glasses
39. Terribly pleased
40. Computer security
41. Political science
42. Tight slacks
43. Definite maybe
44. Pretty ugly
45. Twelve-ounce pound cake
46. Diet ice cream
47. Rap music
48. Working vacation
49. Exact estimate
50. Jumbo Shrimp
A new one from Ken - Sports Scholarship
A really good one from Ken Landaiche - Political Reality
"Real Plastic Snow" (this is an actual product on the market and is obviously quite different from that fake plastic snow stuff you see all the time)
professional sports (I wonder if F. Bell is related to Ed Luce - see above)
A selection of submissions from a list by Phil Watkins
Country music
Job security
Professional wrestling
Friendly fire
Holy war
Exxon cleanup
Half full
Moral majority
Common courtesy
Fresh frozen
Plastic silverware
Recorded live
Original copy
Working vacation
Freezer burn
Half naked
Postal service
Legal ethics
Near miss
Post Modern
Word Perfect
Artificial intelligence
Government assistance
A few good ones submitted by Rick
I'm planning on doing something spontaneous one of these days
I wonder what life would be like without hypothetical situations?
70% of all statistics are innaccurate
One coined by my wife - a valid superstition
Another one coined by my wife - restless sleep.
The Thursday edition of Monday Night Football!
The Sunday afternoon edition of Hockey Night In Canada!
Criminal Lawyer. (or could that be a pleonasm???)
A full half hour! (I have heard this actually used on a national television advertisement)
Reddi-Bulk (a real brand of pre-packaged bulk food! - several oxymorons in there I think.)
Rural Municipality - This one is used all the time in Ontario!
The Municipality of Prince Edward County - an official name of a nearby county ..er municipality??? The highway sign is a classic!
Dry martini
Four more submitted by Jim and Sue Owen
"A dime ain't worth a nickel anymore" -- Yogi Berra.
"a pure blend" -- used to describe instant coffee.
a hermit convention
a random pattern
Harold Freise submitted: Extinct Life
Jim McFadden submitted: During Johnny Carson's tenure as host of the Tonight Show, Jay Leno, who often filled-in for Johnny, held the title of the Tonight Show's "Permanent Guest Host"!
Jeanne offers: "moral clarity" - which she attributes to the George W. Bush administration.