FEAR NO MAN
Become a MASTER of LLAP-Goch! ...the Secret Welsh ART of SELF DEFENCE that requires NO INTELLIGENCE, STRENGTH or PHYSICAL courage REVEALED! ...The FANTASTIC SECRET of the SECRET world-famous method of SELF DEFENSE, kept secret for centuries because of their DEADLY POWER to MAIM, KILL, SMASH, DISEMBOWEL, CRIPPLE, SNAP and HARM are now revealed to you in the English Language by a LLAP-Goch master AT HIS OWN RISK, PROVIDED you promise to MAIM, CRUSH KILL DESTROY and so ON in SELF-DEFENCE* WHAT is LLAP-Goch ? IT is THE most DEADLY form OF SECRET self-DEFENCE that HAS ever been widely advertised and made available to EVERYONE. WHY ALL the CAPITALS? Because THE most likely kind OF person TO answer THIS sort OF advertisement HAS less TROUBLE underSTANDING words if they are written in BIG letters.
WHAT is LLAP-Goch again?
It is an ANCIENT Welsh ART based on the BRILLIANTLY simple I-D-E-A, which is a SECRET. The best form of DEFENSE is ATTACK (Clausewitz) and the most VITAL element of ATTACK is SURPRISE (Oscar HAMMERstein). Therefore the best way to protect yourself AGAINST any ASSAILANT is to ATTACK him before he attacks YOU ...Or BETTER ... BEFORE the THOUGHT of doing so has EVEN OCCURRED TO HIM!!! SO YOU MAY BE ABLE TO RENDER YOUR ASSAILANT UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE he is EVEN aware of your very existence! Banish Inadequacy No longer need you feel WEAK, helpless, INDECISIVE, NOT fascinating and ASHAMED of your genital dimensions. No more need you be out-maneuvered in political debate! GOODBYE HUMILIATION, wisecracking bullies, Karate experts, kick-boxing champions, sarcastic traffic cops; entire Panzer divisions will melt to pulp as you master every situation without INADEQUACY. PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES. You will no longer look pitiful and wimpy to your GIRL FRIENDS when you leave some unsuspecting passerby looking like so much cat food! They will admire your MASTERY and DECISIVENESS and LACK OF INADEQUACY and will almost certainly let you put your HAND inside their BLOUSE out of sheer ADMIRATION. And after seeing more of your expert disabling they'll almost definitely go to bed with you, although obviously we can't ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE this, still
it's extremely likely and would make learning LLAP-Goch really worthwhile although legally we can't PROMISE anything. HOW do I learn? You receive ABSOLUTELY FREE your own special personal LLAP-Goch Picture
Book with hundreds of PHOTOGRAPHS and just a very few plain, clear and simple, easy to understand words. Only a FOUR-SECOND WORKOUT Each Day! And you will be ready to HARM people! WHAT Does it Cost? This, like LLAP-Goch, is a SECRET but you will find out sooner or later, don't worry. BE HAPPY! FREE-TRIAL with jury! Just agree to the conditions below and this mind-boggling, blood-curdling, no-risk, half-price, free-trial offer to reveal the secrets of LLAP-Goch in a plain brown wrapper is on its way to YOU. (*This is just to cover ourselves, as you will understand)
WHY 'At his own risk'BECAUSE if his fellow masters of LLAP-Goch DISCOVER his IDENTITY they will PUNISH HIM SEVERELY for revealing the DEADLY secrets he has promised to keep SECRET, without giving them a piece of the action, and also because of the TERRIBLE risk of PUNISHMENT he runs under the Trades Description Act.
